I know I have been neglecting posts these past weeks but please bear with me as we are all slowly transitioning into the new school year (without a helper and 3 kids ranging in age from 9 to 1 and juggling working from home). We have two new students this school year and that means we're easing into new routines (more on that in a later post). Yes, the octopus mom is back juggling duties and adding a new duty as driver into the mix!
H has transferred to a new school and G is starting nursery and F, well, is going to accompany me when I ferry her sisters to and from school. H and G are in two different schools but 5 minutes away from each other so that helps somewhat, logistically speaking.
And since this is a Military Monday post, I will be sharing my experience of being "sometimes single". As a military officer, J is most often than not assigned to different locations throughout the Philippines (sometimes, out of the country also) and that makes me sometimes single. It has always been a challenge as a military wife to balance life as being in command one minute and then being in a "subordinate" position the next. There are "mom's rules" which swiftly change back up to "dad's rules". I know it may sound schizophrenic to most who have both parents at home but I think that the girls are adapting to it marvelously. I think that it also helps that J and I are in the same page with what rules are going to be enforced. It also helped that J and I talk these over when we have our downtime and sometimes there are no distinctions as to whose rules are those. For example, the kids know that when J is around, they have to ask his permission when they want to play outside with their friends. There are also some basic rules enforced by both of us like: Washing hands before eating and after playing outside, saying grace before meals, bedtimes, saying goodbye before leaving, etc. There are constant reminders perpetuated by J right across from where I sit in the dining table which are to be made standard. He says that these help me remember as I am notorious for having mom brain. Yeah, guilty to a fault!
Being sometimes single is not all that bad though. I have learned that there are things that I thought I would never have done that I can and did splendidly. Like the times (yes multiple) when H had febrile convulsions and J was assigned in Mindanao and I had to rush her to the hospital. I know, I know, me being a doctor, I should have known what to do in the first place but when I became a mother, all those got thrown out of the window (thankfully, common sense did not!). Now I understand, why parents panic when their kids get sick. There was also the time when I had to fix a leak in the toilet (greatest achievement to date? hahaha). It may seem daunting at first but once you really put your head into the game, you'll realize that you are more than capable. So, military wives, and sometimes single females, cheer up! There is still hope for us, non-DIY types out there.
We are a military family and sometimes the distance makes it more difficult than most. I know that there are OFW families out there who have the same fate as us but I think that the added danger makes it more difficult for us military families and so, how do you keep the love alive?
Keeping the love alive, military style, let me count the ways:
1. Know what you're getting into.
Source
My family was never into anything military and therefore, I did not have any idea of what I was getting into. I took this line to heart which was said by our military ninong: "Are you ready?" I was fascinated by the pomp and pageantry and at the same time was lost in a sea of cadet lingo, military acronyms, and traditions. This could make a newbie military wife bewildered and at a loss especially when you do not have "military wife friends" and the husband is deployed immediately after your wedding. This can make you feel isolated and can cause a rift in the relationship. What to do? I read a lot about the military, the Philippine Military specifically, just to get a bird's eye view of what it was really about. It also helped that my husband gave me his booklet of cadet lingo and the traditions and practices that I was going to be a part of since the day I said, "I do."
2. Accept the job.
After knowing about the military, I accepted the fact that there will be times that I would be alone and be the mother, father, handyman, etc and be ready to surrender those positions when the husband comes back home. Yes, through our years of married life, I have learned to fix the flush in the toilet, change lightbulbs, change fuses, fix plumbing (leaky faucets and such), do a little hammering which I have never imagined my girly-girly self would do.
I also accepted the fact that me and my girls would never be number. Yes, this is a little martyr, but they do not call their guns "wife" for nothing. I have made peace with this because I know that after the service, family is next.
Whenever my husband would come home (whether from deployment or from the office), the girls and I would make sure that the house is presentable (a haven, if you must), a hot meal is ready to be served, and show that we miss and appreciate the man of the house. I understand that it is hard to keep something from the ones we are closest to. There are aspects of his job that he can never tell me for security purposes and therefore, making the home a haven for him is a must. Have you ever tried keeping a secret which you wanted to tell you best friend, significant other, mother, sister, the ones closest to you, multiply that by 10 and you get the picture of the stress he is in. Home = haven is therefore a priority.
4. Keep lines of communication open.
With the advent of cellular phones, the internet, messenger and Skype, it is never a problem to communicate with our man. This is the one thing that keeps them from "losing their minds" and telling them that they need not worry for the ones they leave behind and concentrate on the task at hand therefore, not endangering their safety and others as well. Messenger saved our sanities when he was deployed abroad for six whole months leaving me with the eldest and a three-month old baby to care for. I remember when he was deployed somewhere south and to get a text message or call through, he would have to climb a tree in order to get a signal along with his troops. How hilarious could that picture be right? Imagine a group of grown men, soldiers to boot, all up in the tree with their hands up in the air just to get a signal. Hehe.
Yes the days of separation are long (three months at the minimum) but you shouldn't count the days when he will be back. Make yourself busy and soon enough the days will pass by and it will be time for the two-week R and R. In making yourself busy, you get to know and enrich yourself.
These are just some of the things that I have learned after being married to a military man and hopefully, you can learn from them also. I know that you have other lessons so please do share. After all, sharing is caring!
